Thursday, March 29, 2007
My greatest fear - failure.
I realised how hard it bruised me. I realised that countless time that I ran away from challenges just so that I can avoid failure.
Though no one is putting me down, I can feel the stress that it's bringing me. I am always eager to do things right, eager to win. And so far I had not encountered anything that I had not conquered smoothly. Even my physics in sec sch, I managed to get a C6 even the countless "F" that I've gotten.
I still remember when I got the last position in class when I was in Sec 1. It was a blow for me. I almost forgot about that kind of feeling till I failed my driving test the 2nd time.
I told my mum how I dun like failing. She told me that if everything goes on so well for me, I wouldnt be able to overcome the even more major failures that I might encounter in the future. Learning to stand up from the small failures now will teach me how to managed even more troublesome challenges in the future. Every failure is a learning experience.
It's when I suddenly feel that my mum is an observant and tough woman who loves me in a different way. She might not knows me much as I had grown to become a big ger than she can no longer understand my actions and thoughts. But at the very least, she tried to know me more by hearing about my stories and happenings which she cant make any sense about.
But one thing she knew best, she understand how I hate failing and losing to others that I deemed more inferior than me, how I wanted an edge over others I felt was better than me in any aspect. She told me this is one thing that I had not changed since I was born and that's what she worried most about me.
I guess it's time that I face up with my fear and make it a positive experience. It's time I give myself a break.
4:40 AM
