Tuesday, November 01, 2005
This is my depression week...I am crying for little or no reason..I am feeling all so alone and down in the dump for no reason at all...it is definitely not PMS, it is worse...I am just pissed off at every little thing that happens, and I vented it out on Dear, I am such a lousy gerfriend...
I think I might have inherited some of my mum's unreasonable genes, I am a tyrant gerfriend who won't allow her boyfriend to go to bed even though he is so sick and tired from accompanying me for the whole night at my friend's place and shopping the next day after sleeping just for 5 hours...I am bad right???
I think I need time to sort out some tots on my own, to decide what I want and what I'm going to do, to set my piorities right, to re-evaluate some "friends", to slow down the pace of my life. I realised that throughout my whole entire 19 years of life, I never had a truely quiet and peaceful moments. When I did not have a boyfriend by my side, I will get some part-time job that will take up most of my time apart from school and a bit of time with my friends...it is rare that I actually got a whole load of time in my hand, not knowing what to do with them. When I have a boyfriend who is super free, I will wanna go out everyday, even if it is just watching movie at his place or doing nothing at all..
I am paranoid of staying at home, I just hate it, especially when it was raining so heavily with all the thunders and lightning, I swear I can hear someone singing in the distant. It is so damn frightening and scary. I hate it when I had no one by my side at that point of time, and had to cover myself with the blanket tightly and put myself to sleep...I hate passing time without doing anything and just rotting there.. I will go crazy, maybe the reason I am feeling so depressed is because I am rotting too much at work...
I think I need to put away some of my thoughts, and stop picking a fight wirh Dear everyday...even though he always gave in and accomodate me, I dun wanna lose him some day because of my flaws...
2:50 AM
